In This Together - Forever

37 YEARS – AN ETERNITY TO GO

August 1976

There are no pictures of us on our wedding day, June 10, 1976. That seems very strange in this family that has literally thousands of pictures spanning four generations. Did everyone really leave their cameras at home? We were pretty matter of fact about the whole proceedings – but, no pictures??

Joe and I each had previous marriages. We'd had showers, church weddings, receptions, pictures, and all the traditional things that go with weddings. With our June 10, 1976 wedding, our timeline focused on taking care of the formalities and getting moved in before school started. It was sometime in April 1976 that we decided to get married. We figured it would take all summer to sell my house on Harvest Street, find a house in Worthington, and get settled before school started for Michael and David.

My house on Harvest Street sold quickly so we had to find a house, get married, and move – all several months faster than we’d planned on.

Joe and I tend to be rather low key in our approach to life and its major events, Joe even more so than I. Every once in a while I remind Joe that he never proposed marriage to me (nor was there an engagement ring). He simply assumed we were getting married and made statements that we were moving forward with marriage. Obviously I was on board with the plan. At the time I didn’t realize this was a huge clue about Joe - quick transitions and no flourishes. I would be in charge of the extras if they were going to happen. That took me years to learn.

Hmmm – as I type this, I’m reminded of our move from Ohio to Washington. Joe’s not much for long transitions. Once he decides to move forward, he does – very quickly.

June 10, 1976 - There were no flowers, no special flourishes. I wore one of my work dresses (I remember the dress). Joe and I went to a judge’s chamber in downtown Columbus. He pronounced us married. I don’t know if his script included “til death do you part” or if he just pronounced us legally married. We used my Great Grandmother Carrie Johnson Clark’s gold wedding band. “June 5, 1885,” their wedding date, was inscribed inside the band. We inscribed “6-10-76.” Carrie was the mother of Florence Clark Holton, Dad’s stepmother. We then went to the Trinity Episcopal Church in downtown Columbus for a “blessing” of our marriage. Father Taylor wouldn’t marry us because we’d been divorced. But he would bless the marriage. Family and friends joined us at the church for the brief ceremony.

At that point in our lives neither Joe nor I were church-going people. We didn’t have anything against God or church; we just weren’t making time for them in our lives. Previously we had been very active in churches, but that’s another story. Why did we chose the Trinity Episcopal Church? Joe and Jane had attended Trinity after they left St. John’s Episcopal Church in Worthington. Joe liked Father Taylor.

Joe’s and my memories were foggy about who was there and where we went afterwards. I wasn’t keeping a journal at that point in my life. If I was using a planner or calendar of any sort, it hasn’t survived. The only written record I’ve been able to find is a paragraph in Dad’s weekly letter. I am increasingly thankful for Dad and his weekly letter writing – and for family members who saved his letters.

“Monday June 14. ……..Thursday afternoon Julie & Joe were married in a civil ceremony, and then the marriage was blessed in a service at Trinity Episcopal Church in downtown Columbus. The preacher had David and Mike stand up with their parents, which made a nice touch. Betty Young, Connie Miller (one of Julie’s friends), and Joe’s parents were the only other ones there. We had a round of drinks at the Top of the Center to celebrate before leaving.” Interestingly Dad mentions stopping in West Jefferson for dinner on the way home. So – this must have been mid to late afternoon and didn’t even include dinner together. I obviously wasn’t in high gear with my planning mode at this point in my life J

After the ceremony we went to the Top of the Center, Stouffer’s Top of the Center – 24^th floor, 100 East Broad Street, across from Capitol Square. Until we found Dad’s letter, I thought we’d gone to the Christopher Inn. Joe thought we went to the Sheraton. This validates the importance of letters and journals. Memory can get a bit foggy. 

That evening Joe, MichaelK, David, and I picked up Jennie, MichaelT and Patrick, went through McDonald’s drive through and had our wedding dinner with all the children at Harvest Street. The children had a slumber party in the family room. That weekend we moved into the North Street house. No honeymoon for us – there was stuff to do!!!

The next few years were filled with getting to know each other and figuring out how to create our family. Working with Jane and Jon, and John and Shirley about time with children wasn’t always smooth sailing. All of us had much to learn about making this work. Some things we got right –and we feel good about those times. Other things we didn’t get right, and we regret those poor choices.

Five years into our marriage MichaelK came home from school at the end of the school year and asked a question that changed the direction of our lives. “Are we Christian?” We explained how you could be Christian without going to church. We went to the library to get books and we started family discussions. David had moved out after graduating from high school. A few weeks after Michael’s question, missionaries from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints left a pamphlet at our door and later followed up with a knock on our door. They said they had a message about Jesus Christ. We listened. We talked, we prayed, we pondered, we asked questions. Joe, MichaelK, and I were baptized October 25, 1981. This decision forever changed our lives and set the stage for our next wedding.

We learned, and believed, and knew, that God’s plan is for marriage to transcend this life and extend into the eternities. Jesus Christ explains this to Peter in Matthew 16:19. Christ gives Peter authority that extends into heaven. “And I will give unto thee the keys of the kingdom of heaven: and whatsoever thou shalt bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever thou shalt loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.” Matthew 16:19

The authority to bind marriages for eternity has been given to “sealers” who perform this holy ordinance in the temples of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. We had to wait a year after our baptism before we could be married in the temple for eternity. This time was used for learning about the doctrines, talking and praying about this commitment we were going to make with each other and with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. We wanted to make that commitment to each other, to God, to our children – and our ancestors and posterity. We did not want death to dissolve our marriage. We were in this together – forever.

Our journey to the temple had a hiccup. From a letter I wrote to the family for the weeks of January 18 & 25, 1983. I noted on Saturday, January 29, “This was the weekend that we were to go to the Temple in Washington. But, due to a mix-up with the couple we were going with, we didn’t go. Joe and the other guy made the arrangements – Joe for the last weekend in January and H... for the last weekend in February! We didn’t find out until this week that they were talking about different months! We think that we might go during Michael’s Spring break in April.” [Julia & D... were talking and discovered the mixup.]

In April 1983 MichaelK, Joe, and I drove to Washington D.C., the closest temple at that time. Our friends, H... and D... met us there. 

This marriage, fittingly, was better documented than our first, “til death do you part” marriage. By this time I was keeping a personal journal and we had started a family journal. From the family journal on April 18, 1983 in Julia’s handwriting – “We were sealed as a family at the Washington Temple on April 8, 1983. Joe & I were also sealed. The Temple was beautiful & very quiet. When we were ‘checking in’ three or four different people assumed that Michael was leaving on his mission & was at the Temple for his endowments. He looked very grown up in his suit & tie. The ceremonies were beautiful.”

I was keeping a personal journal then and have great detail about our trip to Washington D.C. I have wonderful notes about our drive there, our hotel, the touring we did in DC, the places we ate, the weather, and our visit with Tom, Gayle, and Jason. I had just one sentence about the temple - saying we went there and the H... took us out to dinner.

April 8, 1983

On April 8, 1983 we went “through” the temple and performed the ordinances, made the covenants, but it took time for the temple and all that happened there to go “through” us and become an integral part of who we are and how we lived our lives. We didn’t have any earth (or heaven) shattering spiritual experiences at the time. We were new to the church, new to the temple, new to the awesome spiritual side of ourselves and our lives on earth. We knew we were doing the right thing with this eternal marriage. The spiritual confirmation and understanding came with time, prayer, and pondering. 

Our first marriage to each other, performed by a judge, was a legal contract, done for this life only and fulfilled the requirements of the law. It would be null and void when one of us died. Our second marriage to each other added God to the contract. Thanks be to God for the opportunity to have an eternal marriage.

Now we’re celebrating 37 years together and contemplating the eternity before us. We've learned some lessons on our journey. 

We are a team.

A successful and happy marriage takes consistent, hard work.

The focus should be on the needs of others, spouse and children. There’s no room for
  selfishness in a happy marriage.

Building a marriage and family is part of God’s work. It’s His way to prepare us for
  life with Him and Jesus Christ in the eternities.

Flexibility and patience are better learned and practiced sooner rather than later.

Including God in our marriage has added a depth of love that cannot be articulated.

Sharing spiritual beliefs and commitments to Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, is a

  precious gift we give each other and to God.

The first five years of our marriage we thought we were doing what was best for each other and our children. If asked, we probably would have said we were living “good” lives. Our decisions were affected by what the world was saying was “right,” by what had happened in our previous marriages and how that affected each of us, and by what we sensed was the right thing to do. Looking back we sometimes ask ourselves, “What were we thinking?" We weren’t making what we would have called “godless” decisions, but we were definitely following the world more than considering what was right in God’s eyes. If asked, we would have called ourselves Christians.

Then we were baptized into The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Making Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ part of our marriage and committing to being together eternally put a totally different perspective on our marriage. So many irritations, aggravations, and frustrations were not going to make any difference in the eternities – so why get riled up over it now? Eternity is a l-o-n-g time. We’d better become the very best we can be in order to make that eternal life together as pleasant as possible and so we'd be able to continue doing God's work. 

God’s principles are unchanging. Following them will lead to happiness and life with Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. Challenges and hardships will still come our way – and they do – massive ones sometimes. With God, we better know how to deal with the challenges and can feel His peace and love in the midst of the fear, chaos, and the unknown. The world’s principles or values change. God’s don’t.

***************

May 2013

Joe and I have had fun going through our memories to put this together. About the proposal, ring, flowers, and all that, Joe said, “It’s not about the ring, dress, flowers, the pictures, honeymoon, the flourishes -  it’s the commitment. It’s getting on with what’s important.” Joe’s always been issue-oriented. That’s a big part of what attracted me to him – and those eyebrows. :) We’re in this together – forever.